After their date last night, she tried to be all lovey-dovey with me. I wasn't having any of that. Asked her if she wanted to further explore the feeling she has for him and she said yes. Confused, conflicted she says she is. I told her I don't want to share her. I don't want to be 1 of 2. Didn't even sleep in the same bed last night. Had a fitful sleep and I'm walking around like a zombie today. Glad to be at work to be distracted from it all. Many tears were cried.
Are we wasting our time by staying together? Are we ignoring all the signs of the universe that we should part ways? Maybe it isn't a coincidence that our lease is up in 2 months. We could make a clean break and go our separate ways. She says she doesn't want to lose me, that she loves me but I told her there exists many types of love. Have you fallen out of love with me? No she says. I can't be with her right now knowing that he's also in her heart. I can't pretend that we're ok. This is now a three person relationship. Fuck that. I didn't sign up for that.
Booked a weekend stay at a hotel. Nothing fancy but I welcome the distance and cable tv. Plus I got a gay discount thru Orbitz. HA! It'll do me some good to get away, think things through and focus on tying up a few loose ends for work. Plus, I'll be able to watch the World Cup matches on tv. I hope to leave work by 2, pack up some clothes & my laptop and head over to my temporary refuge.
#nowplaying- Chutes Too Narrow, The Shins (My go-to melancholy soundtrack)
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