The only time I seriously tried to 'find myself' was back in 2006. I left a rut existence in Orlando and settle in my old hometown. I took to examining who I was, who I wanted to be and why I was where I was. I was making good progress but then I got sidetracked by a woman. Not just any woman but the woman of my dreams. Four years later, we're still going strong but I've neglected the relationship with myself.
I can no longer run from myself. I can no longer fake it. I can no longer escape. I can no longer disappear in a cloud of pot smoke and pretend that life doesn't exist.
More importantly, I'm finally ready to leave my old habits behind. I still crave escapism. I'm not smoking now; mainly because I need to find a real job soon but I still want to leave real life. Often I fantasize about leaving town and starting over. Or sometimes I drink a few beers to forget that which I need to address. It's finally caught up to me and I'm beginning the journey of self-discovery anew.
I'm starting this blog so I can chronicle my quest. I'll be 33 this year and don't want to waste another year of my life. I'd like to heal myself. I know that I have many demons and fears to face. My chest tightens up as I think of this. Much like the journal I started back in 2006, I hope this blog will be my sidekick to discovery.
I am finally ready.
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