say goodbye

Almost midnight on a Saturday. I'm needy but she's sleeping. The Postal Service is keeping me company. I have "Nothing Better" and "Sleeping In" on repeat. I need her. I need to be comforted but I'm trying to be strong and tell myself that I need to start fending for myself. In a few months time, we won't even be in the same apartment. Never mind the fact that she was needy earlier and I gave her comfort. Never mind the fact that I'll probably go to bed feeling like shit and wake up tomorrow to take her to the arboretum after not making it today. The pain of it all tells me that the break up is real; that soon enough we'll be living separate lives and will have to comfort ourselves. For now I'm trying my hardest to make up how shitty I was to her by being there for her. I allow myself to fantasize about getting back together but in the same thought I know I'm not ready to get back with her. More importantly, I want some independence. I think of having my own place and get excited thinking about buying things for it. Right now though, I'm lonely and could use a hug and her smile.