I am a sexual abuse survivor. I need to accept this is part of my history. I've told 2 people this. I feel so much more freer already for having told Jessica. By not admitting it, by not confronting it, I was giving it more power. More power to hurt me. More power to lord over me & my emotions. In turn, I coped with this power play with vicious words, with hands on her neck, with weed and booze and other unhealthy behaviors. I am extremely lucky that I didn't end up pregnant or with some STI or worse-HIV. Getting myself testing was one of the first steps I took to reclaiming myself back. So thankfully I'm clean.
I am a sexual abuse survivor. It must have happened between 2nd and 5th grade. Prior to that we were in Texas and I'm almost positive that he didn't have access to us. Did it happen when we stayed with him? When we were homeless? Did it happen at Olga Place? Did it happen at Marlene's apartment?
The only image I can bring to mind is myself sitting on his lap; him fondling me through my panties while watching tv. In this image, my panties are always white. Crazy enough last night, the last image I had while dreaming was open women's legs with red panties. A hand going into these panties. That was me. I now know that was me. Those were my legs. That was my panty covered crotch area with the intruding hand.
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