how do I do this?

Hating life right now. Went to bed feeling extremely needy and of course I don't yet know how to take care of myself nor could she. I have to have better ways of dealing with this. I feel so vulnerable and want to beg her to take care of me but I know I can't and she can't either. Nights are becoming unbearable at this point; darkness ushers in loneliness and expectations that only serve to be crushed. I have to reset my expectations counter to zero. Somehow I've got to accept that I will only heal if I learn to take care of myself. It sucks that I can't talk to anyone else or reach out to anyone else. Jessica called and pushed back our next therapy appt until July 1st; that's over a week away. I want to call EAP but I can't desert my post. So bloody thankful I'm only working half a day today and then tomorrow is my last day ever here. I wish I could afford to take some time off to deal with my shit. I'll be taking time off but it'll be involuntary; I'll be unemployed. I'm listening to some depressing Death Cab which is probably a horrible idea but the melancholy is much welcomed and familiar.