beer for breakfast

The best part about beer for breakfast is that on an empty stomach, two Yuenglings gives me quite the buzz. I'm not feeling 'better' per se but I'm distracted enough to do something besides cry and hurt. My heart is a dull organ right now. I feel heavy, full of sorrow all because she's not ready for a relationship. When I put on my rational hat I get why she can't be with me but 4 years of being with the same person is a hell of a long time. Every single word of Nothing Better I feel; it is the most autobiographical song EVER.

shit-faced

She told him about us. She told him about our break-up and ever the gentleman offered his services in helping him move. I'm desperately trying not to get too wrapped up in this. I can't control her life and her friendships but this one hurts. No one knows we broke up. No one knows we're moving out and apart. But now someone does know. He knows. My biggest fear that she'll go to him after we're doing is rearing it's ugly little head. I know I can't control her and I'm trying to accept that and I'm trying to let it go but instead I'm drinking. I've just finished my 3rd beer and I'm ready to go for my 4th. I plan on getting shit-faced tonight. I don't care. I know it's not healthy and I shouldn't drown my feelings but that's all I want to do right now. Before I get wasted I need to finish cooking. Imagine that, I'm such an idiot that I'm making dinner for us only to probably eat alone.

It's over. She's gone. I wonder when I'll accept that he's going to be part of her life. After all, he is her friend whether she wants me to know it or not they share something deeper than friendship. Fuck. I hurt right now. I hurt and want to drink.