Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
I'll handle it
Monday evening. Came home feeling tense and stressed. K fixed me a hot bath, complete with scented oils, candles and crystals to absorb my negative energy. Overall I'm feeling more relaxed but the ever present tightness in my chest persists. I guess I'll just have to deal with this anxious feeling while I go through it all.
Taking a relaxing bath has been added to my arsenal of coping mechanisms. I now have 4-writing, exercising, art and taking a bath. Before, I only had 2-weed and alcohol. Earlier today I thought of smoking. It would have been nice to roll a joint and smoke away. I must admit my relationship with weed, I feel, is not yet over. I'm pretty sure I'll crave it for the rest of my life and honestly I envision smoking at some point in my future. For now though, I can't. I need to stay clean to get a job but also to attack my issues with a clear head. That doesn't mean that I won't smoke again. I fantasize about lighting up in my new place. The place I haven't even yet secured ; to be paid for by the job I haven't yet secured.
K asked me today if I wanted to stay together in this 2 bedroom. I told her I'm split 50/50; a part says yes, another part says no. Deep down I think we know the real answer is no. We need our own space to continue exploring who we're meant to be. We need our places to heal further. Sometimes, like right now, I want to be selfish and simply spend the whole night alone. It's a delicate balancing act we're dancing right now. I want to make sure I'm there for her but I also need to make sure I'm there for myself.
Not sure what's going to happen to us. There is still so much love between us. We've talked about the possibility of having our own places and dating. That may be the most viable and 'correct' way to approach this. I want my own place. I need my own place. I lived by myself for only about 2 years. It's time I spent some time alone, in my own space trying on different things/experiences. For that to happen, I need to get a good paying job and be ready. I can see so clearly now and know I am ready.
All together now, I am DSC and I can handle anything life throws my way.
Taking a relaxing bath has been added to my arsenal of coping mechanisms. I now have 4-writing, exercising, art and taking a bath. Before, I only had 2-weed and alcohol. Earlier today I thought of smoking. It would have been nice to roll a joint and smoke away. I must admit my relationship with weed, I feel, is not yet over. I'm pretty sure I'll crave it for the rest of my life and honestly I envision smoking at some point in my future. For now though, I can't. I need to stay clean to get a job but also to attack my issues with a clear head. That doesn't mean that I won't smoke again. I fantasize about lighting up in my new place. The place I haven't even yet secured ; to be paid for by the job I haven't yet secured.
K asked me today if I wanted to stay together in this 2 bedroom. I told her I'm split 50/50; a part says yes, another part says no. Deep down I think we know the real answer is no. We need our own space to continue exploring who we're meant to be. We need our places to heal further. Sometimes, like right now, I want to be selfish and simply spend the whole night alone. It's a delicate balancing act we're dancing right now. I want to make sure I'm there for her but I also need to make sure I'm there for myself.
Not sure what's going to happen to us. There is still so much love between us. We've talked about the possibility of having our own places and dating. That may be the most viable and 'correct' way to approach this. I want my own place. I need my own place. I lived by myself for only about 2 years. It's time I spent some time alone, in my own space trying on different things/experiences. For that to happen, I need to get a good paying job and be ready. I can see so clearly now and know I am ready.
All together now, I am DSC and I can handle anything life throws my way.
Nothing Better by the Postal Service
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear I'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Oh, oh
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I know that I have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear I'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Oh, oh
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I know that I have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
...Not Forever by Tsunami Bomb
I thought that this was solid
Stability and safety sitting in my hand
Just take a look at your life
You're all alone!
Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
Love is not forever
Friendship is not forever
There is nothing set in stone
You're on your own
Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
I don't need this anymore!
Dependence is followed by weakness
Don't be your own hostage
If I know so many
Why don't they know me
They don't know me
Just take a look at your life
You're all alone!
Now I know what we're made of
Confusion, Complication, and Uncertainty
I thought this was real, I was wrong
So I don't know
Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
Who'll be there when I have no one
Don't expect that anyone will go out of their way
I don't care that I'm all alone
I don't need this anymore
Stability and safety sitting in my hand
Just take a look at your life
You're all alone!
Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
Love is not forever
Friendship is not forever
There is nothing set in stone
You're on your own
Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
I don't need this anymore!
Dependence is followed by weakness
Don't be your own hostage
If I know so many
Why don't they know me
They don't know me
Just take a look at your life
You're all alone!
Now I know what we're made of
Confusion, Complication, and Uncertainty
I thought this was real, I was wrong
So I don't know
Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
Who'll be there when I have no one
Don't expect that anyone will go out of their way
I don't care that I'm all alone
I don't need this anymore
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)